Impatiently Waiting

I was told I’m in the fall season of my walk and that things are falling away to prepare for new growth. That would probably explain some of the trials I have had recently. I’m a bit anxious, but know that God is using this time to prepare me for what is to come. The hard part is that I feel like I am holding my breath and I don’t know when I will be able to let it out.

Finances are tenuous. The job search has been fruitless so far. People have been dying. People have been getting married. At times, it feels as though life is passing me by. However, through it all, God has been faithful and providing for me so that I can live. Contract jobs here and there to extend my savings. People taking me out to eat so I can save a bit of cash.

I’m learning how to lean on others and ask for help… well, I still need to learn to ask for help. Soon I won’t have a choice however so, there’s that. I’ve had to get over myself a bunch of times and still more things keep coming up to challenge me. I know God is showing me where I am lacking, but it sure hurts. Though it seems to be more my pride than anything else.

Lately, He’s been showing me that I still have possessions that own me. Things that I have a hard time letting go of because of my attachment to them. It’s not so much that I’ll use them, but it’s the fact that they are mine. I guess you could call that greed — wanting everything. Or perhaps it’s just plain sentimentalism… which might be my excuse for my greed of wanting to keep everything. Either way, I am going to have to learn to let go and throw some stuff — or donate them — away.

I did some more searching about seasons in a Christian’s walk with Christ. It said that fall was also a time to harvest the growth of the summer and using it to help others. I guess that makes sense too, it’s never completely dead, there’s always things happening in every season. Maybe that is why God placed my friend back in my life who is starting her journey with God. It’s all in His timing.